Givers and Takers: Which one are you?

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When it comes to your relationships with others: are you a giver, a taker or matcher in life?

Givers: are constantly looking for ways to be helpful. They have selfless approach life and are constantly helping others. They thrive on changing people’s lives for the better. They help you and don’t expect any credit, acknowledgement or some publicity.

Matchers: are only too happy to help others but more often than not, they expect something in return. These are typically the you scratch my back, I scratch yours. I will help with your favor, but you owe me one.

Takers: it is about them, what they want and what they don’t want. Takers are willing to accept help from others but they rarely make it their priority to pay the good deed back. In extreme cases, takers knowingly focus on gaining as much as possible from other people. It is about them getting ahead of the rest.

You will certainly have heard of the phrase ‘nice guys finish last’ or ‘nice girls don’t get the corner office’ and you may be under the impression that givers get left behind because they are too trusting, too caring and too willing to sacrifice their own needs to help others.

However, according to a study by Adam Grant [, being a giver in life can help you achieve more success in the long run.

It does this by causing a ripple effect that helps others to achieve greatness in the process.

Instead of striving for your own prosperity, you will look to offer value to others too.

As a result, those you help will cheer you on and support you on your journey to success.

If you are a taker, however, others may feel jealous of your success and may try to tear you down.

According to Grant:

The most meaningful way to success is to help others succeed. 

Although it is clear that being a giving person is key to health, wealth and happiness, it is vital that you are able to set boundaries.

You need to identify when it is time to draw the line and stop people taking advantage of your kindness.

You don’t want to be a giver in a sea of takers.

Too much selfless can result in burnout and missed opportunities.

PS: These classifications are not casting-stone. It doesn’t mean if you are taker, you can’t change to be a giver or vice-versa.

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Less is more: Definition of better

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In my twenties, “better” meant bigger, more expensive, higher quantity.

And when I got older and more exposed, “better” meant smaller, less costly, dispossession.

Today, “better” means more appropriate, ideal, fewer but higher quality.

Better means less and small but impactful circle of friends.

Better means less fame and more significance.

Better doing work that matters and not that is popular.

What is appropriate for me may not be appropriate for you, and vice versa.

Living intentionally helps us define what “better” means in the context of our own lives.

Said another way:

It is not the size of that house that matters, it is how you use it.

 

 

 

Less is more: We are what we desire

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Every person has wants, hopes, dreams and aspirations.

We all desire something.

We don’t, however, all have the same desires.

Some long to create something meaningful, to make a difference in the world, an experience driven life of intentionality instead of a life pushed toward the wrong side of the consumption continuum.

On the other had, some watch their big TV screens in their living rooms and want the material things advertised on the screens.

These are things that brings us stress and discontent and often keep us tied to a particular income, which keeps us tied to jobs we don’t love [or worse, jobs we hate], all so we can obtain the shiny objects projected on the glowing rectangle.

In truth, most of us desire both:

  • We desire the meaningful experiences; and
  • We also desire the stuff.

But usually the latter [stuff] gets in the way of the former.

That is, too often our material desires get in the way of a more meaningful life.

The trick is to strive to keep our meaningful life ahead of material desires.

Love yourself enough to have a meaningful life.

The meaning of life is to give life a meaning.

Desire meaning.

Less is more: the noise levels

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With all the technological advances of the past few decades, we have become more efficient that ever.

But, of course, with every discrete bit of input from our laptops, tablets, smartphones, earbuds, email, apps, and Wi-Fi spots, our world has grown louder.

Noise is an unintentional byproduct of productivity.

The more we produce, the more we increase the volume.

Eventually the noise is so loud we must shout to be heard.

There are many ways to turn down the volume:

  • Check social media only once a day;
  • Turn off all notifications, beeps, dings, bells, whistles;
  • Make time, schedule alone time, quiet time, free time;
  • Respond to only the emails that require a response;
  • Ensure your creations add value, not just noise;
  • Unfollow, unfriend, mute, block, opt out, let go;
  • Speak less, meditate more, breathe deeply.

The best way to turn down the volume is to avoid turning it up in the first place.

As with your car radio, the potential for noise is always there, sure, but the noise itself is present only if we allow it to be, only if we turn the knob clockwise.

Otherwise, silence is golden.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Less is more: You don’t need more space

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How often do you say you need more of something?

I need another pair of shoes.

I need that new gadget.

I need another new phone.

I need more space.

I need more money.

I need,

I need,

I need!

Maybe we need to choose our words more carefully.

There are times we actually need something.

Sometimes we really need a new pair of shoes, a new winter jacket, or a coffee latte.

We obviously need food, water, housing and clothes.

And, to live a fulfilling life, we need our health, our relationships, our sanity.

But there are many things we do not need.

The majority of things we think we need, are only things we want.

You already have everything you need.

You don’t need more space, you need less stuff.

Look around, you will never need more than this.

 

 

 

 

 

LORA Entrepreneurship Series: Ms. Liabo Setho – Saturday, 14 July 2018

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LORA Centre for Innovation and Entrepreneurship strives to bring thought leaders, men and women who are pathfinders, entrepreneurs and change agents, men and women who have affected the very fibre of our thought processes, who influence our set of beliefs, and engage our mindsets in elements of value.

LORA has invite experienced entrepreneurs and innovators to share their stories with us.

On Saturday, 14 July 2018, we are hosting Senior Business and Economics TV News Reporter Ms. Liabo Setho.

This Saturday we discuss entrepreneurship and the media.

  • How can entrepreneurs use the media to their advantage?
  • How to conduct effective radio and tv interviews?
  • What to do and what to avoid when doing interviews?

Liabo is currently employed by the South African Broadcasting Corporation -SABC -Africa’s largest public broadcaster.

She is a regular face and voice on SABC TV’s Business news.

Liabo has covered and participated in international business and trade conferences in Botswana, Nigeria, Rwanda, Russia, Tanzania, Switzerland, Zambia and Zimbabwe.

Her expertise and focus is in macroeconomics, the township economy, energy, mining, telecommunications, transformation, entrepreneurship topics and African Business issues.

Liabo interacts and interviews local, international, government and business leaders as well as ordinary people. Her role as business reporter has empowered her to understand complex economic issues and simplify them to disseminate and narrate to the public.

Her multi-lingual skill enables her to seamlessly interact with a variety of audiences.

Liabo holds a diploma in Journalism from Tshwane University of Technology and an advanced diploma in Financial Journalism from the Gordon Institute of Business Science.

Come join us and interact with Ms. Liabo Setho on her media journey.

Date: Saturday, 14 July 2018

Time: 13:00 – 14:30

Charge: R100  

Space is very limited.

To RSVP and pay: roche@loracentre.com

[LORA Centre students and alumni get 100% discount]

Venue: Midrand [3 Tybalt Place, Waterfall Office Park, Bekker Road, Vorna Valley, Midrand. [there is secured parking]

 

 

 

Less is more: Create something

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Every human has the innate desire to create, we all want to add value to the world.

Hence, we are all creators of some sort: Some are writers, painters, musicians. Some people scrapbooks, take photos, make cools things with their hands.

Every human must also consume, and there is nothing inherently wrong with consumption.

We must eat food, drink water. Plus, we all tend to purchase products, furniture for our homes, and other material possessions that bring us joy, books, music, etc.

Shortly after the Industrial Revolution, companies found themselves drowning in too much supply and not enough demand.

So, they created PR, Marketing and Sales as a way of stimulating demand and move excess stock out of their warehouse to the homes of customers.

Industrialists had to find ways of getting people to buy more and more, more than they already have, more than they already need.

So, via advertisements and various talking heads, people were told they needed to consume more. Instead of being content with two pairs of jeans, a couple of shirts, two pairs of shoes, you are now told, that’s not enough, you need more. More clothes, more shoes, more bags, more gadgets, more TVs, more stuff.

What is worse is we buy into this lie.

Marketers do a great job of convincing us we need more: they establish a void so we will try to fill it. They have create FOMO [Fear of Missing Out], so that we can pay to see it, they have created the void that if I don’t have this or that like everyone else, I will be left behind.

Marketers have created the concept of the Joneses, and that it is important that we keep up with them.

They have established this void so we will try to fill it.

This void is a never-ending bottomless pit. You fill this void today, they create another void tomorrow, you fill tomorrow’s void, they create another one the day after, and so on and so forth.

The idea is to keep the void alive, and the customers spending endlessly.

The more the customer spends, the more the industrialists make money.

This is no secret, in fact, we take it for granted now, amongst the bombardment, we realise what advertisers are doing, yet we still give them carte blanche with our attention, we let them into our homes, onto our screens, and into our personal lives via social media, and when we do, the void grows deeper.

We have been captured by the industrialists using hypnotic tools such as marketing, PR, sales promotions, Black Fridays, opening sales, closing sales, adverts, billboards, spam mails, telemarketing, black-cards, etc.

For most of us, however, the void has nothing to do with a need to consume more, in fact, the opposite is true, when we consume too much, we experience stress, anxiety, and depression, effectively deepening the void.

We must realise that the real void is on the other side of the equation, the void most of us feel is a creative void.

It is important to realise that true and lasting happiness does not lie on the other of the transaction.

We are caught up in our consumeristic mindset we forget our inherent need to create.

The solution then, is to create more and consume less.

If we spend more time creating, we will spend less time consuming.

This is how we move the needle of contentment back to the positive.

This is how we resolve our individual issues regarding compulsory consumption and mindless self-indulgence.

So let’s each select one meaningful thing we would like to create, one thing that will add value to the world, and let’s create it.

The real void we should fill is that of creating, not consuming.